Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
