Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
