Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
