I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
