my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
