my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
