Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
