so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize