this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
