haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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