I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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