Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
