So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Randomize
