Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize