Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
