i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
The air was thick with penises
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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