Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
