How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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