We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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