i wish there were pregnant emoticons
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
