i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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