just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
