The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
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