New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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