And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize