I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
tell me about the eggs
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
