Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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