Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
