it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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