You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
my liver is dry heaving
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
