What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
