I got chris browned last night
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
