Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
