there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
