my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
