Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
