The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
