every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
