is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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