we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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