dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
