Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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