I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
My ATM looks so different sober.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
As shirtless as possible
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
