ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
