Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
