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i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
