I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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