you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Let's get the cat blown out
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
