piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
foreskin is a definite game changer
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize