if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
