loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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