idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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