I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
