I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
