My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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