...so i touched it.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
