Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
