You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
