In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
