Kiss
Puke
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
