Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
