It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
