There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
