ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
