you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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