Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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