I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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