no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
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